DIY: How to get a Boyfriend

If you are THAT too desperate, that is.

Things you’ll need:

1) Rope

2) Duck tape

3) Mask

4) Army knife

5) Escape Van

6) Trustworthy friends (for back-up and look-out)

7) Formaldehyde

8) And a How-to-Kidnap-A-Guy instructional book

What to do:

1) Go to your desired guy-soon-to-be-boyfriend’s house.

2) Follow instructions from book and use materials mentioned above to get what you want.

3) Then escape. With your van. And trustworthy friends. (Duh.)

4) Keep guy-soon-to-be-boyfriend in your basement.

5) Threaten his life until he pees his pants and agrees to be your boyfriend.

Helpful tip: Make sure that you don’t get caught, like, ever. Oh, trust me. You really don’t wanna get caught.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, am I right?


This is my 500th post! Wow. And I’m being psycho-weird for this milestone. Nice one, Sophie. (Sorry, guys!)


42 thoughts on “DIY: How to get a Boyfriend

  1. Pingback: Likes #8 | Transcend ❀

      • That’s … crazy. How? I been here since 2011 and published my 300th post yesterday. Actually it’s 295. The other 5 is from another author. Overall there is under 400 posts on my blog … and that’s having other people contribute from time to time. I got to say you are a one woman Japanese band. You see, that’s funny, because I read your other posts and know to say things like that to make you go el oh ell all over the place. You’re impressed! It’s no big deal. *drops mic* *walks off stage* *curtains close*

        Liked by 1 person

          • Hyper at 4AM? Did you read my post? That was a true story. Could I be possessed by some hype man’s spirit?! Why you gotta be a one woman woman? That seriously needs a comma doesn’t it? Oh well! The grammar police shouldn’t be awake at this ungodly hour anyway. Aren’t they trying to get their rest so they can be up and at ’em in their fake english class that they teach? Yeah, I know, “Capital E.” Boo-hoo! Now back to the one woman thing … why you don’t wanna be a one woman band? You don’t know how to play any instruments? So you just tell the jokes and someone else beats the drums? Ohhhhh Sophie!

            Liked by 1 person

          • That’s because I’m the band’s frontman. Or in this case, frontwoman. ;)

            LOL, everyone’s awake here though, even the Grammar Nazis. But my blog is protected from them so your comment is safe ;)

            Liked by 1 person

          • I see you check those stats. Well I’m only up due to my nightmare but I’m about to try sleep again. I use to think you were crazy for posting this late before I was aware of you being on another side of the world where it’s light when mines is dark. Good to know you love blogging but also love your sleep, which is what I’m about to try again. If at first you don’t succeed.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for the tip! Will try it out. If it worked, I’ll go to your place and hug you so tight…til you pass out…so I could kidnap you too…and keep you in my basement too…till you agree to be my best friend :D

    Liked by 1 person

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