15 Things Girls Usually Say (That Would Sound Ridiculous If A Guy Did)

Imagine a guy saying these girlish statements:

1) Do you have an extra tampon?

2) I’m on my period.

3) Let’s go shopping!

4) OMG! Chris Hemsworth is, like, the hottest guy on the planet!

5) No, girl! Liam Hemsworth is, like, the hottest guy on the planet!

6) I like those high heels! Where did you get them?

7) I love the shade of this lipstick!

8) I hate men! They are liars and cheaters. They’re all the same!

9) Oh, look. A hot guy! #yummy

10) Do I look fat in this dress?

11) Restroom? *goes with ten other girls*

12) My thigh gap looks fab!

13) Gosh, I’m so fat! I need to go on a diet. *goes back to eating her third slice of chocolate cake*

14) Chris Evans, marry me, please! HAVE MY BABIES!

15) I think I’m pregnant.

LOL! Like, OMG. Did I miss anything?

Don’t know how to cook? Here’s how you can survive!

Are you like me who doesn’t know how to cook? Then you’ve stumbled upon the right post! I’m going to give you the different ways to survive without cooking food. Read carefully!

1) Dine-in, take-out, delivery, drive-thru…take your pick.

2) Visit your parents often. Your mother’s home-cooked meals are the best!

3) Hire a personal cook.

4) Work in a fast-food place of your choice. They give a free meal each day as incentive to their workers.

5) Let go of your pride. Ask your neighbors to feed you.

6) Buy bread, and bread, and lots of bread. Maybe strawberry jam or peanut butter, too. Oh, and don’t forget the toaster. Wait. You don’t know how to use a toaster?!

7) Stock pizzas, donuts, and chips. You’ll need it for winter.

8) Learn to eat raw food.

9) Be a vampire. You don’t cook blood, right?

10) Or, just marry a chef—he’ll cook food for you, ’til death do you part. That’s what I’m going to do. *winks*

The Ways of the Unladylike: How NOT to Attract Boys

Believe it or not, there are girls out there who need this advice. While here we are, too lonely to mention, there are also girls who have too many to mention. We need to help them stop attracting guys–fast–so they can spare us some. So, if you know anyone who needs these tips, share this post. This is what I call “The Ways of the Unladylike.”

Way #1: Don’t shower for a week and wear the same clothes everyday. Make sure that they will see you AND smell you.

Way #2: Don’t brush your teeth. Eat lots of garlic and onions, then breathe on them. This is a tried-and-tested boy-repellant.

Way #3: Shower them with your DNA. Spray your spit on them while you’re talking.

Way #4: Wear lots of black clothes, heavy eye liner, and beaded accessories. When a guy comes near you, chant weird voodoo spells. It will freak him out.

And, way #5: While staring into his eyes, release a loud fart. Then smile. I suggest that the fart should smell awfully bad. Works better.

I know that this sounds awful but these are the only sure ways to “reject” boys without hurting their feelings. Sorry, we have no other choice.

P.S.

If these tips don’t work, just tell me. I have more “unladylike ways” to share. *winks*

Things I Hate That Most People Love

I know. No one cares about what I hate. But, I still have them posted here because I can! Ha!

1) Coffee. Anything with coffee. The bitter taste? Yuck. Starbucks, I’m sorry. You won’t be getting any money from me.

2) Beer and partying. Those two come hand in hand.

3) Kids. I hate those wild creatures. I don’t know why most people think they’re “cute.” They’re not. They’re little devils!

4) Dogs and cats. Dogs scare me. Cats disgust me.

5) Fireworks. I have pyrotechnophobia.

6) New Year. Because of #5.

7) Yellow. There’s something about that color that repulses me. I’m not anti-happiness or anything, okay?

8) Ice-cold Coke. I add tap water if possible.

9) Ferrero Rocher. It tastes like a ball of paper dipped in chocolate. I don’t know what’s so special about that weird chocolate. Everyone seems to like it.

10) Make-up. Lip balm and baby powder (yup, you read that right) are my only “make-up.”

11) Shopping. The guys are always surprised whenever they find me sitting with them while the girls are away, raiding the racks.

12) Selfies. Not my selfies but other people’s selfies. Although I hate my selfies too.

The Art of Fangirling (Part II)

For those who don’t know, a fangirl (n) is an “obsessive female fan.” Keyword: obsessive. And as a fangirl myself, I’m going to give you the basics on how to be a fangirl.

On my previous post, I gave you the three types of a fangirl. This time, I’m going to teach you how to be a fangirl in 5 easy steps–as promised! So listen carefully (or read…whatever)!

Step 1: Choose a fandom. You have to know what you want to be obsessed with. You can be a fan of a book, a band, a movie, an actor, a singer, a model, or anything else that you want. In my case, I’m obsessed with romance books and my book boyfriends.

Step 2: Stalk–I mean–research about them. You have to know everything about your fandom, of course. You MUST be updated. We have all the right sources online. To give you a tip, start with the official Facebook page, Youtube, Twitter, and Instagram account. Click like and follow them.

Step 3: Buy merchs. What are merchs? These are fandom-related products or merchandise. That’s where the word came from. You are not a real fangirl if you don’t spend your money on whatever merchs you can find.

Step 4: Go to signing events (or concerts, if you’re a fan of a band). Every fangirl must go to at least one signing event per year. That’s the only time we can cry, proclaim our everlasting love for them, force them to marry us and have their babies. Or, at least, thank the authors for creating my every book boyfriend (the downside of being a fictional character fan).

Step 5: Spread the word. A good fangirl knows that every single person on Earth must see the greatness and hotness that is Captain America (or, whoever you’re fangirling about). Start by posting and sharing pictures, news, videos, or articles about him on your social media pages. Remember, you are not a real fangirl if your friend’s news feed is not full of your fangirl posts.

That’s it! Easy, right?

Now that you know the art of fangirling, you’re all set and good to go. Let’s all go crazy and be a good fangirl!

The Art of Fangirling (Part I)

For those who don’t know, a fangirl (n) is an “obsessive female fan.” Keyword: obsessive. And as a fangirl myself, I’m going to give you the basics on how to be a fangirl.

But first, we have to know what kind of a fangirl you want to be. There are three types of them:

1) The closet fangirl. This is the type of fangirl who is very knowledgeable about her “fandom” (a fandom (n) is the kind of fan group she belongs to) and knows the latest updates and scoops about it. Just ask her and she’ll readily give you all the answers. It doesn’t show that she’s a fangirl but when you check her phone, her laptop, and her hard drive, it will be full of all-things fandom-related.

2) Of course, if there’s the closet fangirl, then there’s the open fangirl. This is the type of fangirl who talks about anything and everything fandom-related. Just say the name of her fandom and she’ll start blabbering about how great they are, how cool they are, and how you should start following them, too. The more annoying she is, the better. According to my friends, this is the type where I belong. Seriously? I don’t go crazy when I’m talking about Christian Grey or Captain America, do I? I’m just being honest. I mean, Captain America and Christian Grey? They’re two of the hottest male characters in the fiction world! They are just so perfect! (Although Christian Grey needs some serious help with his, um, weird…”preferences.”) How can you not fall for them? Seriously, did you see their perfect muscles and abs? And their handsome godly faces? My gosh! And their–okay. I gotta stop. Sorry…

3) Lastly, the greatest of all the fangirls, is the crazy fangirl. This fangirl is of a whole new level. Even I couldn’t reach this. Say one negative thing about her fandom, I dare you, and for sure you won’t get to live a day more. Until now, we don’t know what they’re capable of. No one has lived to tell the story. Unfortunately. They are the kind of fans who would cut their wrists if their favorite bands break up or if their favorite shows get cancelled. I’m telling you, cray-to-the-zy.

So, there.

Now that you know the three kinds of a fangirl (and to what kind you belong to), let’s move on to the most important part. On my next post, I’m going to teach you how to be a fangirl (in 5 easy steps)!

Possible Reasons Why He Doesn’t Like You Back

I feel for you, girls. That’s why I tried to Google this but, apparently, Google doesn’t have all the answers. Even Google doesn’t want to hurt our feelings! So, I decided to come up with my own reasons. Just because.

1) You’re “ugly.” Or…he’s just blind and stupid.

2) You’re “bitchy.” Sometimes. Especially when you’re on your period.

3) He likes someone else.

4) He’s already taken. (Why?!?)

5) You’re not his type. (He doesn’t know yet that YOU are HIS type. Silly guy.)

6) He only thinks of you as his friend. (Friend-zoned! *sobs*)

7) He doesn’t know you exist. (Ouch.)

8) He’s gay.

9) You remind him of his sister/mother. (Eww!)

10) He’s a fictional character. (Face it. HE. IS. NOT. REAL.)

The truth hurts, I know, but only the truth can set us free.